Finally!

I have been semi stagnant with my craftiness for a long time! Even though I have made things here and there I haven't made an effort to sit down and be purposeful about making some new pieces of jewelry.
For years now I have been fascinated with metal working and making rings and such with silver or copper but have never really known how to get started. After recently stumbling upon Lisa Leonard's website  http://www.lisaleonardonline.com/   and Rhonda's website The Spirit Factory http://www.thespiritfactory.com/TheSpiritFactory/_home~.html I became inspired. Not only are these women making INCREDIBLE stamped metal jewelry but they are living their dream and are such beautiful women inside and out! They both make jewelry using similar materials but both have their own distinct styles and flair!

So there was my dilemma.  I knew what my heart was drawing me towards but how do you admire an artist and still create your own style? I was very concerned when I first started working that it would seem like I was "borrowing" ideas, but as I continued practicing it became apparent that all of my other jewelry making knowledge was starting to tie in to my pieces.

I am having a BLAST and I do hope that although these women are an inspiration to me, that my pieces have more ME in them than anything else!

Thanks Ladies for being you and for sharing your talent!

Please check out my etsy site to see more of my work but here are a few of my new favs!

Mother of the YEAR! NOT!

I may have just gotten the blue ribbon for worst mother of the year. I realize that more and more often I have been yelling at my kids. But not just yelling at them,  Berating them! I know while I am screaming and fussing that I am taking frustrations out on them that are not theirs to deal with.

I could list all of my complaints and say what causes me frustration, but it really doesn't matter because it is not an 11 year old and a 9 year old (in 27 days) fault. Yes, most of the time it begins with a legitimate reason for a motherly scolding; pick up your shoes, clothes, toys etc for the 100th time, but the problem comes in with how I handle it.

Tonight I called my daughter a nag. Seems harmless enough on the screen but it crushed her little spirit. She even tried to come in and talk to me and I (very gruffly) said, "Go away!" OK so we all have had our moments but I really knew I was hurting her and my son with my words and kept on with my attitude.

My precious son thinks I hate him and that I think he is stupid. I know that is kid mentality but he IS thinking it nonetheless. He has such a sweet heart and is so much more tender than I give him credit for.

I guess my goofy thinking was maybe if I hurt their feelings they will be shamed into behaving. That only proves that I am as immature as they are. I was thankful when my husband walked in after his meeting just in time to save me from being even more of a horse's patootie! He went in an spoke with her and soon after she very bravely told me that tomorrow she would like to share her feelings with me. UGGGG! I could see the hurt all over her sweet face.

I told her to tell me then what she felt and I swear she grew up right in front of my eyes! She told me about all of the things that have been going on and how they have hurt her. She pointed out specific things and times that have happened lately that I feel out into an all out sob onto her (almost) 9 year old chest. I couldn't deny any of it and I felt like I had failed my children.

I am sobbing so hard right now I can hardly type. The tears feel like they will never make things better. I say I try hard, and that I am stressed and whatever else to try to make myself belive that I really do try hard but I am realizing that it is just lies I have been telling myself so I don't have to work as hard at something.

The thing is that I am fighting to not feel like a failure right now. I KNOW that I am not because God says I am not but those old lies are trying to take back over. I need lots of prayer right now! For my kids, my family and especially for me.

I know we will make it through this and things WILL get better but tonight was really crappy and I hope to learn from my mistakes.

I am just glad we have a God of GRACE that not only forgives us but has already forgiven all of our sins. That gives me comfort on this heart-wrenching night. I wish I could have my kids understand how much I love them and that Mommy's are people too with hurts, pains, and problems sometimes.

On a lighter note I sold something on etsy to someone I actually don't know this time! EXCITING!

 

Struggling..

Bipolar sucks! I can think of no other appropriate word for it. One moment you you feel you could save the world and the next you are wondering if it will swallow you. It really really sucks! I am lucky enough to know I have bipolar and take meds to keep it stable but it always peeks through. The manic part of bipolar is AWESOME! I can clean, cook, craft, life is good! I have energy I never knew I could have when I am in my "up' phase. Unfortunately it only lasts a few days to a week. My Low phase is not an in the bed suicidal phase. THANK GOD for that! But it is a grinding gnawing feeling of confusion topped with a HUGE inability to get anything done. This is the part where more piles in on top with thoughts of low self worth and general feeling of frustration. The worst thing on top of it all is I just discovered I have sleep apnea and I am waking up 29 times per hour without my knowledge and gasping for breath and all of that good stuff. That is not something to add to bipolar let me tell you because the exhaustion is as bad as chronic pain in my opinion!

So last night I hopped on Twitter and Katie from Overflowing Brain put a link to the video for Pink's song F'in' Perfect. Mind you it says the whole word. On the radio it doesn't and I always have liked it but last night for some reason the rawness and gritty"ness" of that explict version of that song just worked for me. She had it up for another reason and I encourage you to read her blog post as well but it spoke to me in a strange way.

On Sunday my hubby preached an awesome sermon. One of his best, at least in my opinion, and touchedme where I am spiritually and emotionally. He spoke of being in the dark and coming into the light using the Gospel text John 11:1-45 where Lazarus died and is in the tomb for days and Jesus "wakes" him but in essence He raises him from the dead. He calls him from the dark into the light.

He (my hubby) spoke of his father who suffered Bipolar much more severe than I have and how his dad's "darkness" affected him as a child and how in his 1 1/2 before his death he CHOSE the light even though the darkness was always there.

When I think of darkness I believe there are many types. Physical & emotional darkness caused by injury and illness but there is also spiritual darkness and I think they can all be tied in together. Call it what you will evil, Satan or just Darkness, it is all the same and the dark can seem a much more comfortable place to be in than in the light. I am finding that even though nothing has changed today just writing this in the light of day is helping to expose my feelings of depression.

I can't allow myself to buy into what would LOVE to take over me! I am not diminishing the fact that there are others that suffer much worse than I do and that sometimes meds can't be worked out so there is a moment of clarity. I am thankful for my situation and pray for others with uncontrolled mental illness.

Please be supportive of those around you who may be suffering in the dark. You may never even know that they are screaming for attention or even just a little acknowledgment that " I know you are in a rough place but 'This too shall pass'"

I have lots of love in my life; my family , my friends my Twitter peeps, and even my kids who act like I am the biggest GOON they have ever met! ( I know they love me because I am their comfort in the quiet times)

I love who I am and who I am growing to be! I always will need a little tweeking but know there are others out there that are your support is amazing!

This was my gift from God this morning to remind me that Light ALWAYS overcomes the Dark

 And for anyone who read my previous post about Potential... this is the after shot of my little plant bed. I would say it has lived up to its potential and will look SO good once it fills in! :)

"PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE! DON'T YOU  EVER EVER THINK, YOU ARE LESS THAN, LESS THAN PERFECT!" Pink-F'in' Perfect 

                                                    Enjoy your PERFECT day!

Full of potential...

As I quickly approach my shhh (40th) b-day I am really changing the way I think about things. In fact I am very purposefully thinking about things these days. I am noticing how much people talk about each other and try to be hurtful, and how being quiet is sometimes more powerful than speaking at all. I am feeling the NEED to finish things in my life ( I am terrible about leaving things undone). And how it is so important for me to do the things I love like make jewelry and take pictures and stop avoid doing them because I don't have the time or energy or whatever the excuse.

I was thinking about and even started a new blog for my "real" self to come out and then realized how ridiculous that is to have one blog for regular stuff and the other for the "real" me. How real of me is that to have an alter ego? So my intentions are to show the blog world how full of potential I am and give all I have to give. I want to challenge myself to write more and enjoy life more!

For my first full of potential post I have our flower bed that has looked just awful for years. My hubby and I decided to make a commitment to the poor thing and cleaned it out and well I will show the after picture later and you can tell me what you think! Here is the BEFORE picture. I really have to credit Rhonda from http://www.thespiritfactory.com/TheSpiritFactory/_home~.html for sharing her beautiful gifts with jewelry and, spirituality and pictures of her lovely garden. That really gave me the inspiration to get to plantin'!

                                                                         BEFORE

I mentioned it in my last post but I will say it again; I LOVE reading Twitter and getting inspiration from everyone I follow! They may not know me or that they offer such support but I find such comfort in the "realness" of everyone there!

                                                              Have a BLESSED evening!

A funny thing happened when we all lost power...

Sunday afternoon was absolutely GORGEOUS here! Perfect temperature and the neighborhood kids were outside playing but...I was inside at my computer until the power shut off. No warning, just blank screen and a strange sound. No that was no sound it was NO sound. As in no Sponge Bob, NO whatever other really annoying cartoons that are trying to be passed off as funny, no hummm of anything! It was so nice!

SO I immediately assumed I hadn't paid my power bill. Not that that has ever happened or any thing, :), but you know just in case. Apparently everyone else did that too. Then the next step, text my girl Bethe a few streets over. Power was out there too!

Then guess what ? All of my neighbors came outside. It was like Sunday on the farm! With out all that fried gravy-fied goodness of course. We all chatted, and laughed, and all of us realized that we had either been inside on the computer or watching TV. I was really neat to see everyone outside all at once and for 2 hours we had a technology free afternoon. (except my occasional sneaks to my phone)

I am so enjoying twitter. I don't tweet all that much. Nor do I get @mention"ed" often, but just reading and seeing how creative so many people are is fun! I love the different personalities that all of the folks I follow have. Many do not have the same personal opinions that I do, some use language that I only wish I had the guts to use, some are not the same religion as I am, and but every one of their tweets is fun to read. I love technology! It takes me places I would never otherwise go, and gives me ideas that may never evolve but just knowing there is a tutorial for it waiting for me is all I need to get through another day!

Even though those Twitter peeps my never read this, I want to put a BIG thanks out "there" for all of the encouragement I get daily!

SPAGHETTI TACOS!!!

Forgive me for not posting since October. I think I am back on track now! :) I have been quite crafty lately and I am enjoying getting to know that side of me again!

Our Son has been talking about spaghetti tacos that he had at a friends house for quite sometime now. The idea of these is not foreign to me as Spencer makes them often on iCarly. The kids love that show (well so do my husband and I) but I really never thought about trying this strange concoction until our son begged for them. You see I hardly EVER cook. Hate it! SOOOO much! But I just couldn't turn him down! And he said his friends mom made them so well that the sauce tasted like candy! I could not be outdone! So after a trip to Walmart I was on my way to being mom of the year!

Well, let me tell you...I ate 3 of those things and I'm not ashamed to tell you! You really must try them! Really really!

Let me know what you think after you eat some!!!!!

14 years!

Yesterday was our 14 year wedding Anniversary. It is so hard to believe how time flies so fast! It has been quite a journey. One that is full of laughter, and fun and tears and LOTS of growth. I enjoy knowing that no matter where my husband and I are in our personal lives we always seem to be able to make it work in our married life. It is not always perfect but I would not trade my life for anything. I couldn't have married a more understanding and forgiving man besides him. (He puts up with a lot from me at times (:) SO Happy 14 years (yesterday)!

Here is the rundown of the day:

I needed the clothes folded, so I forced Sadie to work her paws to the nub. You can see how tired it made her!

Then we, as in the lovely anniversary couple AND the youngins', went to eat dinner that then   entertainment of an incredible dance performance from none other than The "quin" of Romance. (that's queen to you and me!)

She had planned this dance all day and was so proud to show us! It involved a lot of twirling and humming! She had a smile on her face and was just beaming! It ended with her singing "Happy 14th and don't ever get divorced" Funny what kids think about! She is truly a joy and so creative.

Her sweet brother helped her by giving her the idea of her grand entrance which involved coming downstairs with a handful of stuffed animals and tossing them into the air. Here is his self portrait.

What great kids! For all of the fussing I do I really adore them!

Once all of the beauties (including my sweetie) were asleep I gave myself an Anniversary gift...

OOOHHH yeah! Warm Krispy Kreme donuts and cold milk. Ahhhh! What a day!

So, today is my crafty day. Any suggestions? I enjoy reading blogs and tweets and there are so many creative people out there. I want to do all of the things I see. I just purchased Simply Spray to decorate some shirts. Maybe that will be fun! I will post any pics if I am successful.

Have a Lovely day!!!!!!!!!