Saturday, September 25, 2010

A quiet Saturday morning...well sort of

Ahhh! Coffee in hand, daughter at a friends house, no TV, hubby at a retreat...oh yeah 3 boys upstairs playing XBOX 360...and the hum of race cars on the Speedway. Oh well, almost paradise! Ok now I am singing that song. "Almost Paradise. We're knockin' on Heavens door. Almost Paradise, How could we ask for more?..." Now you are too. RIGHT? :)
Sorry I am a little goofy this morning.

For 2 days now I have decided to start playing my guitar after at least 15 years of seriously practicing. I have picked it up over the years but only to complain about my fingers hurting! Call the WAAAHHHMBULANCE.  Case in point..
They are a little sore, BUT it feels so good to play. Its in my blood. My dad used to play for me when I was little and visited him. Those are good memories. I remember them like they just happened. The guitar is from Ace who died in January. I posted about him recently. I also call him my dad. I grew up with him. The day he presented me with the guitar was on a birthday. I wish I could remember which one. Maybe my 21st but all I wanted to do was go out and PARTAY!! I was opening presents and he proudly walked in with this guitar as if it was for him. This was his way. He always wanted to add surprise and mystery to a gift. I find myself doing this with my kids now. Once I asked about it then he handed it to me.

It is so beautiful with its shiny body and mother of pearl inlay all down the back. I really treasure that gift probably more than any other. We even took lessons from the same teacher for a while. I think pulling that guitar out is part of my healing from grief. I know that grief never goes away but I have really blocked most of my feelings about his illness and death until recently. Playing is my way to think about Ace without pain. To honor his gift (and all the gifts both tangible and intangible). And it allows me to be creative in short bursts since that is all I seem to have for time anymore. I really love that guitar.

What healthy ways do you deal with pain and grief? I would love to know. I would really enjoy hearing from some of you. It is wonderful to me to read other blogs and commenting on them. I learn so much from other women.

I have been very introspective the last few days and have really let everything around me sort of "go to pot" around me. My mom has always said that. I am thinking that is not a healthy way to deal but possibly self-preservation. With all of the stress at times I have decided that busting my rear to do everything just right isn't worth my sanity. I can deal with the mess right now. (It is getting rather bad though).

So, as I was getting coffee from my beloved Keurig coffee maker. I noticed a sweet little bird taking a dirt bath in a plant. It made me smile. It's those little things we have to hold on to. See what makes you happy. As long as it is good for you and those around you, cling to them until things get better. Pray! Pray for those who may be in such a bad place that prayer doesn't cross their minds. Pray for those who will never in their lives pray. Pray for friends, enemies, and the very people that seem to not need prayer at all because most likely they are the very ones that do.  I do not feel like I have all of the answers. I need to live by what I am telling you. I am that person who needs prayer. And likely you are too! I will pray for you. Even though I don't know you. I will make that commitment. The internet has given us lots of things. Too much access is one of them, but for many it is a way to reach out to people that they would never meet or mingle with and grow stronger because of it. We share so we can grow and learn to love those around us and especially OURSELVES.

                                Love yourself today! And look at the things that make you smile!

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