14 years!

Yesterday was our 14 year wedding Anniversary. It is so hard to believe how time flies so fast! It has been quite a journey. One that is full of laughter, and fun and tears and LOTS of growth. I enjoy knowing that no matter where my husband and I are in our personal lives we always seem to be able to make it work in our married life. It is not always perfect but I would not trade my life for anything. I couldn't have married a more understanding and forgiving man besides him. (He puts up with a lot from me at times (:) SO Happy 14 years (yesterday)!

Here is the rundown of the day:

I needed the clothes folded, so I forced Sadie to work her paws to the nub. You can see how tired it made her!

Then we, as in the lovely anniversary couple AND the youngins', went to eat dinner that then   entertainment of an incredible dance performance from none other than The "quin" of Romance. (that's queen to you and me!)

She had planned this dance all day and was so proud to show us! It involved a lot of twirling and humming! She had a smile on her face and was just beaming! It ended with her singing "Happy 14th and don't ever get divorced" Funny what kids think about! She is truly a joy and so creative.

Her sweet brother helped her by giving her the idea of her grand entrance which involved coming downstairs with a handful of stuffed animals and tossing them into the air. Here is his self portrait.

What great kids! For all of the fussing I do I really adore them!

Once all of the beauties (including my sweetie) were asleep I gave myself an Anniversary gift...

OOOHHH yeah! Warm Krispy Kreme donuts and cold milk. Ahhhh! What a day!

So, today is my crafty day. Any suggestions? I enjoy reading blogs and tweets and there are so many creative people out there. I want to do all of the things I see. I just purchased Simply Spray to decorate some shirts. Maybe that will be fun! I will post any pics if I am successful.

Have a Lovely day!!!!!!!!!

Good Grief?

As I spun around in my mismatched PJ's after the usual waving to the kids routine before going to school, I saw to my HORROR no spider! Like any reasonable adult I burst into tears and sat on the porch looking for my friend until my husband rescued me with a cup of coffee from the corner store. Being the understanding man he is he let me weep over the death of "my" spider until I could pull myself together. All I could muster to say was "and she didn't even get to lay any eggs." I was having a major Charlotte's Web moment! I was actually hoping that hundreds of them would come parachuting down their silks to greet me. But, alas, I had to face the fact that spiders have a season like all of us do. I then realized that maybe, just maybe I was transferring some grief from missing Ace to the sweet spider I have loved for so many months. I guess it is easier to cry over something that doesn't love you back or that you already know won't live long than over a father you miss so much.

As I am writing this I am crying those hot tears that you try so hard to keep inside. The ones that begin as a hard lump in your throat and pour out of your eyes regardless of how hard you fight them. I am so tired of fighting. Fighting pain, fighting children, fighting finances. I am ready to take it all back and instead of me being in control hand it over to God.

Those hot tears are cleansing me. They are washing away the pain that I hold inside. Grief sucks! It really does! Just when you think you are in a healing spot! BAM! Something new.

But, the good news is that tomorrow is another day! A great day because I choose it to be. I am really trying to live by the idea that I have a choice of how I handle everything. I can make it positive or negative. There is too much to enjoy to be eaten up by anger, pain & negativity. I do have to constantly remind myself of this though.

This weekend we IKEA'fied' the kids rooms. We aren't finished but close. To see the look on their faces was the best gift ever! My son who is rarely satisfied was beaming and has decorated and really made the space his own. He is proud of his room. Of course we did his sisters room first and once she saw his she burst into tears and said that that was actually how she wanted her room all along. Oh well! You can always get it 100% right.  She is really into zebras right now so her room is really cute.

(as you can see not quite done yet)  and the walls are still purple...not good for the now blue lovin' gal.

I will post picks of my son's room when I can walk in there. Its still a bit Legofied. If you have never stepped on a Lego barefooted trust me it 'aint fun!

On a closing note, I am getting closer to actually making something rather than enviously looking at other blogs and the cool crafts and remakes. I love this blog I stumbled upon on from someones Twitter retweet. It is called New Dress A Day and I have really had fun reading it. Marisa is so fun and inspiring that I am looking at clothes and fabric in a different way now. There is potential in everything. Check her blog out. Her personality alone will brighten your day!

Ok, well, TTNF as Tigger says. I'm up too late. (Umm I just reread this and well, it is obvious I am tired. It really is quite disjointed) Enjoy my randomness! :)

A quiet Saturday morning...well sort of

Ahhh! Coffee in hand, daughter at a friends house, no TV, hubby at a retreat...oh yeah 3 boys upstairs playing XBOX 360...and the hum of race cars on the Speedway. Oh well, almost paradise! Ok now I am singing that song. "Almost Paradise. We're knockin' on Heavens door. Almost Paradise, How could we ask for more?..." Now you are too. RIGHT? :)
Sorry I am a little goofy this morning.

For 2 days now I have decided to start playing my guitar after at least 15 years of seriously practicing. I have picked it up over the years but only to complain about my fingers hurting! Call the WAAAHHHMBULANCE.  Case in point..

They are a little sore, BUT it feels so good to play. Its in my blood. My dad used to play for me when I was little and visited him. Those are good memories. I remember them like they just happened. The guitar is from Ace who died in January. I posted about him recently. I also call him my dad. I grew up with him. The day he presented me with the guitar was on a birthday. I wish I could remember which one. Maybe my 21st but all I wanted to do was go out and PARTAY!! I was opening presents and he proudly walked in with this guitar as if it was for him. This was his way. He always wanted to add surprise and mystery to a gift. I find myself doing this with my kids now. Once I asked about it then he handed it to me.

It is so beautiful with its shiny body and mother of pearl inlay all down the back. I really treasure that gift probably more than any other. We even took lessons from the same teacher for a while. I think pulling that guitar out is part of my healing from grief. I know that grief never goes away but I have really blocked most of my feelings about his illness and death until recently. Playing is my way to think about Ace without pain. To honor his gift (and all the gifts both tangible and intangible). And it allows me to be creative in short bursts since that is all I seem to have for time anymore. I really love that guitar.

What healthy ways do you deal with pain and grief? I would love to know. I would really enjoy hearing from some of you. It is wonderful to me to read other blogs and commenting on them. I learn so much from other women.

I have been very introspective the last few days and have really let everything around me sort of "go to pot" around me. My mom has always said that. I am thinking that is not a healthy way to deal but possibly self-preservation. With all of the stress at times I have decided that busting my rear to do everything just right isn't worth my sanity. I can deal with the mess right now. (It is getting rather bad though).

So, as I was getting coffee from my beloved Keurig coffee maker. I noticed a sweet little bird taking a dirt bath in a plant. It made me smile. It's those little things we have to hold on to. See what makes you happy. As long as it is good for you and those around you, cling to them until things get better. Pray! Pray for those who may be in such a bad place that prayer doesn't cross their minds. Pray for those who will never in their lives pray. Pray for friends, enemies, and the very people that seem to not need prayer at all because most likely they are the very ones that do.  I do not feel like I have all of the answers. I need to live by what I am telling you. I am that person who needs prayer. And likely you are too! I will pray for you. Even though I don't know you. I will make that commitment. The internet has given us lots of things. Too much access is one of them, but for many it is a way to reach out to people that they would never meet or mingle with and grow stronger because of it. We share so we can grow and learn to love those around us and especially OURSELVES.

                                Love yourself today! And look at the things that make you smile!

LINKS, LINKS, LINKS!!!

 I am so LOVING this website! And her giveaway is awesome too! It really sounds like she and her husband are doing some great things while successfully supporting their family and loving what they do.  What a great story! The company her husband works for looks great! http://www.mycutcorep.com/steveadams    I will definitely be ordering some knives to replace my sad excuse for cutlery. Maybe then I will love to cook! NAHHH! Anyway here is a link to her giveaway and website.Me, Myself, and Mommy

I did a Goodwill run today! Maybe I will post some pics of my finds later!

HMMMMM What to say What to say!

 I saw this website today and had to laugh! SO FUNNY! I really want to do this!  
http://www.zefrank.com/youngmenowme/blog/   

I found it on the blog A Lil Bird Told me... I really love this blog. Lots of fun and different ideas. She mixes Dollar Store crafts with earth friendly tips and organizational tips. GOOD STUFF!
http://alilbird.blogspot.com/

There has been a lot of stress in the air around here. Anyone else feeling that at their home? I don't know if its the change of season, full moon or what but I am tired of it. GET IT TOGETHER PEOPLE!
Whew! Now that that is off of my chest...

Anyone have an android phone? I have the epic 4G and I LOVE IT!!!!! Here is a very cool picture from one of the apps ( I love saying that...apps (:) It is from the retro camera application.

 We are still on spider watch here. Our writing spider is still hanging out at our front door. Is it strange that I get excited when she catches a yummy meal? Last summer we watched another kind of spider and I felt really sad once it got so cold and we didn't see her again. This is an interesting site that has pictures of writing spiders and has links.
 http://www.cs.utk.edu/~plank/plank/pics/spider.html
 

                                            This is such a random post so forgive me but...

I had a huge lesson this week with my kids. There are so many things going on that I am not sure I can even write about them all but one very large thing is that we are in a place with our children that we want them to be involved with something outside of school and just plain old leisure; sports , arts etc. I was adamant that both of the kids should try a drama class. It seemed to make since because they are both funny and creative. All the while my son fought it  and needless to say I fought harder. Finally on Tuesday we had a mule being dragged moment outside the door and he eventually looked at me and said "mom, it's just not my thing. I want to play cello."  WHOA!!! I had to stop. I realized that he had a point and as long as he was willing to try something I would drop the situation. So while my gal did her drama thing we walked downtown together. It was nice to just BE with him. And cello, way cool! I hope he loves it!

Today I encourage you to take out your camera and find something (or someone) cool or interesting to capture and enjoy!

It's Hard to Say Goodbye

I haven't been able to write about this until today. Last Friday we euthanized our beloved dog of 14 years, Jack. Just writing it makes me sad. I have been doing surprisingly well though because he was in pain from his hips, his eye, and had breathing problems. I felt really bad actually after he was gone because I knew we kept him around for our sake. He was a constant in our home. A friend and companion to us and our children and especially one of our other 2 dogs Sadie. She was so lost the first night without him that she got up 3 or 4 times looking for him inside and outside.

I have had to deal with a lot of loss this year because not only did we have to make the decision for Jack, but on January 24th Ace, my step-dad of 35 years died from cancer. It was and still is one of the hardest experiences I have ever been through. He was so brave up to his death. I really don't think it is necessary to go into depth about it because I don't want to give cancer that kind of power. It is an evil, evil disease that I hope one day is cured.

Today I ask that you HUG & SQUEEZE those you love. Remember those that are no longer with you! And thank God for the life you have! There are blessings in EVERYTHING and EVERYONE! Leave nothing undone. Asking for forgiveness is freedom and giving the gift of forgiveness is LIFE CHANGING!

                                                  Have a Beautiful day!

Strep Throat!!!

The kiddos are home sick today but mysteriously seem to be feeling ok. That is the tricky part of strep, they are still contagious even when they feel better! AGGG! Which makes working from home difficult.

BUT, I did get a great massage this morning! The one I had last week prompted me to do something very positive for my family. I was thinking about how relaxing her tiny little room was and how easy it would be to take a small unused (or rarely used) space and make a peaceful spot for us to enjoy. I started  by taking the bonus room that is only used for video games sometimes and covered the windows, added battery operated candles (so game playing boys don't burn my house down) and added a sound machine. It is not finished yet but my kids were surprisingly very drawn to that room. It is so calm in there, like a little cave.

As every year passes, I realize how my soul is drawn towards calm and solitude. I also realize how hard it is for me to allow myself to slow down enough to appreciate the space even if I am enjoying being in there. I will post pics soon once we finish hanging curtains.

                                                        PEACE! Shalom!!

OOOOHHH isn't this PRETTY???!!!???

 I saw this tutorial for  Old Rose Wrap sometime ago but now I feel like I am gearing up to make it. I really love crochet. It reminds me of my grandmother and makes me feel comforted. I just wanted to share this in hope it would make you smile!

My gift!

I saw this cute craft tutorial from http://craftzine.com/  for making Lego minifigure capes that was retweeted by Betz White on twitter http://twitter.com/betzwhite . So cute! My son loves mini figures and I bet he will be making these soon!

This past weekend I went to my mom's house with the kiddos. While I had a moment to myself I sat on the front porch with my coffee in the beautiful cool pre-Fall air. It was so pleasant and relaxing. I also happened to be texting my friend and wanted to show her the front porch of the house I grew up in so I took a picture with my phone and was simply amazed at the image that appeared. I really felt like it was a message from God letting me know that my mom was protected at all times.

When I took the picture it did not look like this to my eyes! What an amazing gift from God!

Volunteer corn, & tree frogs

In the midst of weeds and a home composter that I REALLY wish I was using, is a volunteer corn plant. We don't know where it came from. We don't know why it is there. But, we are going to see what happens with it. The day my son and I discovered it, was also the day he found this cute little tree frog hiding in the folds of the long leaves. Sounds silly but there is alot to think about in that situation.

I really like frogs and the whole concept of them. To me they are cute and fascinating, especially the tree frogs. One of my favorite sounds is the "peepers" as we call them. I know it is Spring when we can hear them out in the field behind our neighborhood. At night the tree frogs hang out on the doors looking for bugs that are attracted to the lights and the kids love to grab them and spend hour begging, "Pleeeeease can I keep it?" Rember I said I liked the concept of them. DON'T YOU PUT ONE OF THOSE THINGS ON ME THOUGH! I won't touch it and don't want it touching me.

One More Thing

I met the mom of the genius kids and co-creator of this brilliant new product! http://www.flipoutz.com/ It is the coolest thing that I have seen and my kids LOVE it! I wanted to share it because I applaud anyone who supports and believes in their children enough to follow through with one of their ideas. I also LOVE to see a success story and I hope that they do so well and are "the next big thing"! Please check out the website and buy this cool product. All of the messages are positive and your kids can track their flip outz coins where ever they go. Check them out to see what I am talking about!

I Need a Do-Over

Tired, Sleepy, Grumpy, Cranky, Teary, Fussy, Whiny. No these are not the 7 newest friends of Snow White; just my 2 children this morning. They were having much to much fun last night and stayed up late and with all of their hearts promised " Mommy, we won't be _______ (fill in any of the 7 mentioned above). Just let us stay up a little longer!" WRONG!!! Bed time will be early tonight!

This is just what I was wondering about last night though. My DH and find it difficult to stick to any routine of discipline. Maybe the problem is we try too hard to find gimmicks but nonetheless, what we are doing never works.

So, I was thinking yesterday about how my newest way to get my kids to do "chores-or their version of them" really isn't working. I do have responsibility for it as well to help motivate them but the method itself isn't very motivating. Unfortunately, like most of us, my kids are instant gratification creatures. My idea of them getting colorful glass gems each time they do what I ask or what is expected is all well and good until I realized that we started this in the summer and school has now started back and neither one of them has filled their jar. I do believe that we should have to work for our rewards but we all get paid for our jobs pretty regularly so why shouldn't they?

Which leads me to a thought... Why would I use the same method of behavior, discipline or whatever on 2 VERY different children? But even if i did want to do something different what on Earth would it be? I feel like i have tried so many things that end up just like my glass jars, half full and forgotten.

This is my challenge to anyone who stumbles across this blog. Send me any tips or techniques you have tried on your kids that have really worked that helps them want to do chores, homework, everyday expectations (dishes to sink, brush teeth, straighten room etc), and the rewards that come along with them. It would also be helpful to know what value is put on a reward; for example, doing dishes earns 1 gem that equals 30 minutes of computer, game, or TV time or something like that. Then THE most helpful part that I have been missing is what is your child's personality like and the child's age? This will be helpful because what may work on my outgoing dramatic girl probably will not work on my sometimes with drawn computer boy.

My goal is to put all of your ideas together in some form, your names will be anonymous, in categories of personality and reward systems. This will be so helpful for all of us because even if a system works for you now it may not work in a year or so. That is why ages are so important. I am encouraged that we as parents can put our heads together and help each other. I will post them periodically on this blog unless you ask me not to. My goal is to put them all together so you can find the section that age and personality applies to your child you can read other parents tried and true ways to get their children to want to work and earn rewards.

Just send any info you would like to share to kimisen@yahoo.com and I will begin compiling all of our wisdom. I am so excited about this! Please pass my blog to any of your friends so we can begin to learn from each other. Remember those Grumpy, Whiny, Tired, Sleepy, Cranky, Fussy & Teary kids are our future leaders! (UGH!) And to that I say in advance I am sorry and I promise that they will get more sleep before they get old enough to be your leaders! :) 

Thanks for reading!

On a fun note... look at our new friend!

Sunday...Oops we overslept!

Ok so maybe I knew I would over sleep...a little. :) I told my DH we the boy and I might. So here I am with some more ramblings.
I debated on wheter to change the title of my blog since I have been doing much polymer clay but I am still creating everyday. Even if it is in my mind. One day I will make time.
I had a dream that we moved and the house was 2x bigger than the one we are in at no extra cost. In that dream I had decided to keep the house neat and organized and remember taking a carload to Goodwill (LOVE Goodwill). Hmmm was that a message that I am a slob, or how I would like to live?  Then again, I seem to remember that there was an ostrich in the backyard for some reason so who knows! That kinda blows the whole theory. Gotta love dreams!
I have been thinking a lot lately that I have so many thoughts and would love to write them down but somehow putting them in an official Word file feels to formal for me. I don't really think I have figured anything out about life but I have had a lot of experiences and my thought about those experiences have been flooding my mind.
I really don't know if anyone has read any of this silliness that I am writing but even if not (ok then that means now I am taking to myself) I enjoy writing.
I was just thinking while making my coffee how blessed I am to finally realize that I struggle with bipolar. Weird to say? Maybe, but what I mean is all of my life as far back as I can remember I have felt different. Never sure why but when I would look at others I never knew why my experience of a situation was perceived so differently or how did I miss an entire lecture in class while sitting there. Many other things bothered me as well; like why were there times I felt driven to create even to my own exhasution. Enough was NEVER enough! More stuff, more crafts, more art lessons, more drama lessons, more more more. Then came the depression. I remember sitting in my room looking around never seeing all I had that was good and wondering why whichever boy I was obsessing about that week didn't like me (do you blame him! ), or why every noone would come over and spend the night that night (forgetting someone may have been there the night before) or just why I didn't feel happy AT ALL! Weird because I had a family that loved me and we did lots together but somehow it wasnot enough. I don't blame anyone for not noticing that I was struggling beyond normal teenage insanity. I would have fought any type of help anyway.

It took many hard years of self examination for me to realize and peel away all that I have built up. In fact I am still peeling away. I am lucky to have a patient husband and loving mother. I think my husbands patience with me becomes a mirror at times and turns me back from my bad habits. You see they are always there and I am glad of that. It is like a temperature gauge and when I start seeing it go to far to one side or the other then I know how to find the center again.

I wish I could say that I prayed when I get into those places. I am always aware of my relationship with God and am in constant conversation with Him during the day for various reasons but when my gauge starts moving I seem to forget. Luckily I have lots of prayer from others. At least I know that we have instilled prayer into our kids. They pray and ask God to help them find something they have lost. They know that there is no prayer too small!

I really love my life right now. Even though I struggle times I know those struggles are what brought me to the place I am today. I would love to keep sharing, I hope that something I say has sparked a little something in someone reading this. I welcome any feedback because I think we all need a place to share. It is healthy and as much as I hear people complain about using the computer instead of talking in person, I think for some people it the only way to express and I welcome that. I am glad to write about any of my experiences and do not ever promise any answers, just how they happened to me. This is your place to remain anonymous and read all the stuff that my brain wants me to get out. I just can't keep it in any more! Walk with me down a new road. I have not left anything behind me. I bring all of my interests and creative outlets with me. They just may look different at times.

If you stayed with me this long THANKS FOR READING!

New Ventures... Same Interests

Short but sweet for now! Finally doing something I am paid to do that I love which is working from home and selling on ebay. unfortunatly I have NO balance to get me back into by polymer clay. I do however look at a lot of websites while I sit here and will be posting some links soon. Again I LOVE Cindy Leitz's site. She is amazing! Whip Up still is a favorite. Betz White has lovely fabric and felting ideas. Tonight I found a free photography course website called http://www.hypergurl.com/blog/photography/digital-photography-course.html which gives links to explanations of photography techniques that are simple to understand. Also http://www.webphotoschool.com/all_lessons/free_lessons/index.html has some free as well as some pay courses. I like the idea of learning online. It would probablybe time better spent than farming on FaceBook. :)

So here is the link to the ebay store! Enjoy! Great deals! http://stores.ebay.com/blogandshoptoo
We have Lots of Gymboree! Right now there are a few very nice Chicos items, my personal favorite is the jean and tapestry jacket.